Those who say so much yet speak so few words have always earned my admiration. These people are like walking, talking Twitter feeds: zeroing in on only the essentials and then leaving you alone with your thoughts to mull over the information in the comfort of your own brain. Take my husband for example: his gift for brevity packs a big punch when disciplining his students or our children. He follows a basic format:
“You have done X; this is wrong because Y. The consequence is Z. Now go get right with the Lord!”
He doesn’t necessarily say the last part, but the crazed look on his face does. And man is it efficient!!!!! I’m in awe each time I witness his tactical approach to what, at least for me, is normally an explosion of emotions and stuttered words. For one, I can never remember which kid I’m yelling at, so I rarely call him/her by the right name. That makes me angrier, so I yell louder. The dogs run for cover because they know what’s coming. A kid cracks a smile because Mom has called him No Hitting again, and then my head pops off, orbits into space like a weather balloon, and there I am, having an outer-body experience that, if witnessed in public, would score me a comfortable padded room and my belts and shoelaces donated to the Goodwill.
Aaaanyway, my point is this: I want to be one of those who speak and write in such succinctness.
If there were a class on Becoming Pithy, Ms. Peyton Price would surely lead it. The woman writes nothing but Haikus for our pleasure, and she’s guest posting today with a compilation o’ Husband Haikus.
Suburban Haiku: Man of the House
I have to fake it
because he stayed home today
(or I’d just lie here).
Make a mental note:
Do not call husband Clooney
out loud, anyway.
I asked my husband
I don’t look pregnant, do I?
WHY NOT? I’M TOO OLD?!
Tip-toeing in late
I catch him right in the act:
I LOVE THESE COOKIES!
. . . I mean . . . I love my husband
who got me cookies.
After all these years
he keeps the romance alive
by pooping downstairs.
Peyton is the voice of our time; the ease with which she gleans the sordid details of our lives and the grace with which she writes about them (pooping is grace, I don’t care what you say) makes her such a fun read that I HAVE to share her with you. I want to give you a copy of her hilarious (and makes a perfect gift, ahem, holidays are coming) book, aptly titled Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches From Behind the Picket Fence.
All you have to do is leave a comment with a topic you’d like Peyton to turn into a Haiku. Making dinner, business meetings, Ebola–the sky is the limit! If Peyton chooses your topic to wax all Haiku-y on, you will win a copy of her book!
You have until midnight EST on Wednesday, November 5 to throw your topic at Peyton. She’ll respond via the comments, so be sure to subscribe to comments to get her response. Good luck!